For transfuge

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Yep, still empty.]

Comments

[peace_inthe_violence]

[The worst thing was, he had no idea what he was doing to his friend. Even the morning after waking up wedged in between Joe and Booker, he'd had no idea how tempting he'd been to the other boys. Joe was a bit more insistent on getting more touches and more kisses and Nicky hadn't tried to deny him a single desire....but Booker?

Booker had pulled away. Only in his head, sure, but it was still where he thought he could see it.]

Let's try to find your laptop now, get some of this put away so we can take a load of boxes down to the dumpster when we go get food. I'll tackle your bookshelf if you want to try and find your computer.

[transfuge]

[ Booker groaned and dragged his hands down his face. ]

Of course you want to do more fucking work.

[ But he had asked so he only had himself to blame. Booker sighed heavily. Nicky had better be ready to cuddle when they were done for the day. ]

Yeah, sure. I know I put it in one of the suitcases instead of a box to protect it.

[ His mom bought him a brand new laptop for university. It was high end and so nice he wanted to take good care of it.

He started going through the suitcases which had his favorite possessions including many pictures of their friends. ]

Before we go to dinner I'm going to change out of this shirt at least. It's real gross.

[peace_inthe_violence]

You're not gross.

[And if there was a slight bit of heat in Nicky's voice? Well...he was quickly picking his way over to the bookcase so that Booker couldn't see his blush.]

The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can just relax and not have to worry about anything for a while.

[The last was said as a grunt as he hauled the heavy piece of furniture over to where it would be protected from the sunlight slanting in from the window, but also be easily accessed for his bookworm friend.

Boyfriend? He had no idea.]

[transfuge]

This shirt is gross. I am a work of art. Joe said so.

[ Booker was in a lot better shape now. He had taken up boxing to deal with his anger issues on top of therapy and he was really starting to show the signs of hard work.

And, to be fair, Joe had called them both works of art. While admiring them both naked in bed. Booker had really liked that. ]

We're not going to get this all unpacked today.

[ If Nicky would just show some sign he wanted to talk about it Booker would drop everything to talk about it.

He would help Nicky decide between two amazing boyfriends and the church. Because, at this point, he and Joe were a package deal.

But Nicky never seemed to want to talk about it. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Nicky was an idiot.

Once the shelf was in a better position, he shot Booker a playful grin before he dragged the first box of books over to start unloading it out into the shelves.]

You are.

[Was that another blush or maybe the first one just hadn't fully gone away just yet.]

[transfuge]

Thanks, Nicky.

[ After he pulled out his laptop he went over and hugged him from behind, clinging to him fiercely. ]

I'm really glad you're here. I'd be a mess without you.

[ He pressed a kiss to his hair and then pulled away to unpack the rest of the laptop accessories and other stuff.

Nicky had said he wanted to unpack and Booker was going to get some of that done. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[He stilled when Booker came up behind him, smiling softly as he leaned back against his broadening chest. Between the boxing and just his general stockiness, Booker was well on his way to being the broadest of the three of them.

Not that Nicky minded at all. He was bringing his hands up to rest over Booker's when the other man pulled away and he was left to close his eyes and thunk his head against the wood of the bookshelf.

What the hell was wrong with him?

He worked for a while, the two of them together, and all the while that doubt churned away at his insides. Finally, three boxes in, he set the last of the books onto the shelf a little harder than he needed to and turned.]

What haven't you kissed me since that night with Joe?

[His cheeks flared red almost at once, but he made himself not look away.]

Did you...did you not like it?

[transfuge]

[ Booker was surprised by the question. They had been working together quietly and he thought comfortably but Nicky sounded kind of mad. ]

Because you're joining the priesthood. Joe and I don't want to pressure you.

[ He set down the school supplies he had been unpacking and looked over at Nicky. He noticed the blush or the angry flush? He wasn't sure but clearly his friend was upset and that was bad. ]

I mean, selfishly I don't want you to do that, but we talked about it and agreed we would let you decide that for yourself. And whatever you decide we'll respect that.

[ Booker figured that was basically it. Nicky as a priest was off limits and they would honor that even if they still wanted him. ]

That's what you do for the people you care for. You respect and support their decisions not force them because of what you want.

[peace_inthe_violence]

I...

[Oh. Well...fuck. That made sense and all the wind left his sails. Running his fingers through his hair, he picked his way through the boxes to sit down on the crappy little twin bed that the dorm had come with.

The bed that they'd be sharing that night.]

I'm not a priest yet, Book. And Joe kissed me afterwards...

[As a good bye. At the airport. A rushed, desperate, sloppy kiss that had made him whimper in the back of his throat as he'd staggered forward to try and follow once the older boy had pulled away.]

[transfuge]

Joe is braver than I am.

[ Booker shrugged and smiled kind of sadly at Nicky. ]

I get really fucked up when people leave. So, like, if I kept kissing you and having sex with you and then you still became a priest and gave it all up? It would really mess with my head.

[ He knew his mind pretty well thanks to therapy. He would see Nicky picking the priesthood as not being good enough. It would hurt like hell to have Nicky and then lose him. ]

So, I just figured I'd be your friend while you figure out what you want. I knew we'd see each other more than the others and I could put pressure on you so I try not to do that.

[peace_inthe_violence]

Sebastien...

[It hurt his heart to see that sad smile on Booker's face. He wanted to cup the other man's face in his hands and kiss the expression away. Wanted to draw him up into his arms and assure him over and over again that he wasn't going anywhere.

But...wasn't he?

If he left for the seminary and decided to give up the pleasures of the body, could he still see Booker and Joe in the same light? He didn't know. He wanted them in a way he was entirely unfamiliar with. He wanted their hands on him, their lips on him. He wanted to taste them and hear the sounds that he could draw out of them.

That...wasn't exactly chaste.

Groaning, he buried his face in his hands.]

I don't even know what I'd do if I didn't go into the priesthood. I...I've never thought of it. I've never had a reason to, before...

[transfuge]

You want to help people, right? When it comes down to it that's really what you want. There's a lot of ways you can do that outside the church.

[ Booker would have liked to go to Nicky too. That's what they did in their group when one of them was hurting. They circled the wagons and protected them.

Right now, though, he thought hugging Nicky might influence him. He was so responsive to touch. ]

You could be a therapist. I've found them amazingly helpful. Or a paramedic. And if you want to do something with God maybe another denomination. One where... you know, you could have me and Joe.

[ Booker leaned forward and looked as honest and open and loving as he could for Nicky. ]

But even if you still choose to be a priest you'll have Joe and me. We'll always be your friends. We'll always love you. Even if we can't kiss you and stuff.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Lifting his face from his hands, he drew one knee up to hook his heel on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around his knee so he could pillow his cheek against it. He listened, actively paying attention, actually thinking about all of the choices and options...

Though, there was one that made him snort in laughter.]

I highly doubt there is a denomination in the world that would let me have one boyfriend, let alone two. I very firmly believe that God wants all of us to know and have love in all ways that do nothing to hurt another person, but I'm pretty sure that even He would have something to say about my level of gluttony in that particular case. But I don't...

I don't want you as my friends, Book. I miss you. I miss you so much.

[transfuge]

I really, really want to tell you to choose us.

[ Of course he did. He wanted Nicky and Joe because Booker would absolutely be that selfish. Two loving, beautiful men all for himself? Yes, he would like that very much. ]

But I can't make that choice for you. It's something you have to decide.

[ He sighed heavily. ]

I miss you too. Joe too. He's coming to Paris for both of us, you know.

[peace_inthe_violence]

I know.

[His voice was small and he brought up his other knee so that he could hide his face into them properly. Joe was moving to Paris for them. Sure, the art and the history here was amazing and the opportunities for him would be endless...but he could have had the same in California. Or Madrid. Or countless other places, but he'd chosen Paris for them.

He should have felt guilty, being so wishy washy with these two beautiful men. He should feel like he was forcing them to accommodate him and his inability to make a decision on his own.

Instead, all he felt was pleased that these men would rearrange everything for him.

Heaven help him.]

I love you...

[transfuge]

I love you too, Nicky.

[ Booker got up, went over to him, and wrapped his arms around him. He hugged him tightly resting his temple against Nicky's. ]

And I promise we will still love you even if you choose to be a priest, okay? I mean, we still love Andy and she's Andy.

[ He was trying to lighten the mood a little. He hadn't meant to make it so tense by talking about this. ]

And if you want to talk about it some more we can go grab food and call Joe and talk to him too about all of this.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Booker came over and he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and pull him down onto the bed so he could rest their foreheads together and block out the rest of the world. Just hold him and call Joe and listen to their voices wash over his ears and the turmoil in his head until things finally settled.

But kissing Booker would be cruel. For both of them.

Instead, he hugged his knees and rocked forward to lean against the touch.]

I love them, too, but not the same as I love you and Joe. Close, but....

[He shrugged. Over the course of his time with his friends, he'd come to the conclusion that he was very, very gay. That didn't stop him from kissing the girls or from letting Andy lick her way into his mouth, though.

He was a greedy, greedy man.]

Yeah. Food and calling Joe sounds amazing. I have no idea what time it is for him, though. He might be a little cross if it's the middle of the night..

[transfuge]

I know. It's different for us.

[ It had been different since the night they all slept together. That night had fundamentally changed Booker's outlook for the future. He wanted Joe. He wanted Nicky.

He still wanted a house for all of them but like he wanted to spend his nights wrapped up in their arms and days being able to kiss them whenever the hell he wanted even though it's completely unconventional.

Bisexuals are supposed to be greedy right? He's just embracing the stereotype. ]

I sent him a picture of you unpacking stuff and he cursed me out so he might still be up.

[ He tugged Nicky onto his feet so he wasn't so curled up and closed off. ]

Come on. Food will make us feel better.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[He went to his feet easily enough, though he looked more than a little confused when Booker told him that Joe had cursed him out for sending a picture. Of him? He made a face.]

Probably because I have sweat hair and I look like a drowned rat.

[But he did reach out to take Booker's hand as they walked out to get their food. He was quiet, but it was contemplative quiet instead of the brewing emotions quiet of before and when he stepped up to order his sandwich he was even able to give the waitress a small smile.

He held Booker's hand the entire way back to his dorm, too, if Booker let him.]

Is it...Okay, so I know that gay, bi, straight, and pan are all different things, but...what if you're some weird mix of both?

[transfuge]

When your hair is a mess like that and you're sweaty as hell. You look pretty close to when we wrecked you.

[ Which is why all the cursing. Joe is in America still, far away from the two people he wants to be with. It's hard on him.

He squeezes Nicky's hand as they walked and ordered for both of them once he knew what Nicky wanted. They could hold hands the whole time if that's what Nicky wanted. ]

The answer to that depends on who you ask. Bisexual feels right to me. But the whole thing is a spectrum. I can pull up a Kinsey test when we get back to the dorm if you want.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[It took a long while for his blush to go down after Booker used the phrase 'wrecked' and all the images that brought back, but he didn't try to argue.

They had wrecked him. He liked to think that he at least helped them wreck each other, too. He was under no delusions, though. He was the least experienced out of the three of them, after all.

He pondered the idea of a 'spectrum' for a while, walking along side one of the men who'd captured his heart so tightly. It made sense that it would be...but why couldn't he find any real studies about it?]

Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe tomorrow, though? The plan was a movie tonight, right? I..I'd like to hold you a little bit if you don't mind? Just holding, nothing funny.

[transfuge]

Yeah, we can just watch a movie and cuddle.

[ The group cuddled all the time. It was just what they did when they watched movies. Booker was really excited for a chance to hold Nicky for awhile. ]

What movie do you want to watch?

[ He leads him back up to the dorm and hands him the food while he gets his laptop and Netflix. ]

Alright, you want the edge of the bed? Or the wall?

[peace_inthe_violence]

I'll take the edge.

[The answer came without a moment's hesitation. It was the same answer he'd had staying the night with Booker after Pride, the same way he slept every time they'd shared a hotel room while on the road.

In fact, the only time that he hadn't put himself between his boys and the door was when he'd been too wrecked to move from where they'd put him.

He divvied up the food onto the bedside table, then grabbed his phone and cycled through his contacts until he could pull up Joe's number, shooting off a text to see if he was still awake.]

[transfuge]

Had to ask.

[ Booker climbs over to the wall side and puts the laptop carefully where both of them can see it and still manage to cuddle.

Joe is not up right now. He doesn't answer Nicky's texts which is a shame because it would be really good to talk to him. They'll have to chat tomorrow morning when timezones line up for a brief time. ]

If you don't pick something I'm going to pick the movie.

[ He grabs some food and shoves it in his mouth, looking for all the world like he's the happiest he's been in a long, long time. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Happy was good.

When Joe didn't answer, Nicky set his phone off to one side, then crawled up onto the bed. It was a tight fit between the two of them, but it would get a lot better once their food was gone and they could wrap each other up in one another.]

Something...flashy. Action. Too many explosions.

[He smirked, taking a bite of his sandwich and settling in.]