For transfuge

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Yep, still empty.]

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[transfuge]

He'll text when he's ready. Hopefully he doesn't get caught up in getting his portfolio together.

[ Joe was definitely stressed about all the art school applications. He had gone international as well with universities in London, Paris, and Rome. All in the hopes that he can be close to his two loves.

The call would hopefully calm some of those nerves and soothe his loneliness. ]

But later is probably better. It's going to be another hot one. And we need to shower at some point today.

[ But there was food and holding Nicky's hand would have to wait for him to eat because Booker loved food. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

Showering. Yes. This is a thing I very much want to do. You also need to take back the truck before they charge you an extra day.

[Booker wasn't the only one who loved food. Nicky's breakfast wasn't as hearty, but it wasn't as small as Italian breakfasts were, either. Add in the late coffee and he was being all kinds of rebellious today.

He dug into his crepes, making sure to get plenty of berry with each bite.]

Mmm, these are delicious. We'll make him sit down and take some time away from it. Knowing him, he's been fussing with it since he woke up.

[transfuge]

Ah, the fucking truck.

[ He grumbled into his food for a moment. ]

Okay, so take the truck back. Then unpack. Then shower. Somewhere in there a call with Joe. Then tour campus. Sound good?

[ Booker was great at improvising but he really preferred to have a plan whenever possible.

The showers might be a tricky part of the day because well Nicky, naked, water, yeah he could see that presenting a serious temptation. Gotta keep his hands off. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Or he could not keep his hands to himself. Though, that brought an element of getting caught in a semi-public space with Booker's cock down Nicky's throat.

Oh hey, look at that. Nicky had a bit of his devonshire cream at the corner of his mouth.]

Sounds like a plan to me. I can start unpacking boxes while you take the truck back so we can multi-task. And my train doesn't leave until noon tomorrow, so we should be able to get you unpacked and squared away pretty well.

Here, try this.

[He offered his fork with a rather large bite of crepe, berry compote, and cream all at once.]

[transfuge]

[ If Booker had any idea Nicky was thinking about fooling around in the shower he would eat lunch as fast as possible. What he wouldn't do for another chance to be with Nicky. ]

Yeah, that's probably a good idea. It won't take all day then.

[ But instead, his brain focuses on the leaving part. Tomorrow, after Nicky leaves, he'll be alone in Paris without his friends. It'd be really hard and he was actually a little scared.

He'd probably cry a little at the train station but Booker knew he had to face being an adult on his own eventually. He might just be sad for awhile. ]

Looks good. [ He leaned forward and closed his mouth around the forkful of crepe. Booker's moan of enjoyment was pretty sexual but French food was like that. ]

Oh, fuck yes, that's amazing.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Yes, well..Nicky was having a little trouble keeping his mind out of the gutter, if he were honest with himself. All the thoughts of what to do with his future just kept intermingling with memories of Joe's hands on his hips and Booker's body under his hands.

Hearing Booker moan like that around a mouthful of food did not help. It did, however, make his cheeks tinge red.]

You are indecent and you love it. Tease.

[Unfortunately, there wasn't a whole lot he could do about leaving. Even if he did decide to give up the seminary, it wasn't like he had any of his things. Or a place to live. He couldn't exactly just stay in Booker's dorm with him.

Pulling his fork back, he popped it back into his mouth to get the little taste of his lover that was left before tucking back into his meal.]

[transfuge]

[ Booker very deliberately licked his lips and then licked a little cream from the tip of his thumb. ]

I've got no idea what you mean, Nicky.

[ He wouldn't do it often but sometimes Booker wanted to flirt with Nicky. The blush on his cheeks was super cute. He wanted to see him get all flustered and turned on. ]

Indecent would be licking that bit of compote from the corner of your mouth for you instead of pointing it out like a gentleman.

[ Because that was what Booker wanted to do about it. But he didn't because he was behaving himself. Making out with Nicky at a cafe was not respectful and helpful to his decision making. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[Damn respectful.

Nicky sucked in a little breath, then reached up to wipe at the corners of his mouth. For a split second he considered offering it out for Booker to lick from his finger, but the impulse was quickly crushed. They were in public, Booker had explained that he was trying to be respectful, Nicky didn't want to get his hopes up....the list was long.

But he still wanted to.

Instead, he wiped it off on his napkin and took a large drink of his coffee.]

Is this constant state of super charged hormones how most people get through adolescence? Because I have to say, I was never this dirty minded before you and the others got their hands on me.

[His eyes went a little wide and his blush darkened.]

That sounded less filthy in my head...

[transfuge]

[ Booker knew he shouldn't laugh but it was pretty funny. He had spent most of his high school years surrounded by a bunch of attractive people and it had definitely left him in a heightened state of horny. ]

I think it burns out after awhile. But I don't know. Maybe with the right people you've always got it this bad. I mean, Joe just keeps getting better with age.

[ Man, they all did. Booker didn't see it in himself often because mental issues but he saw his friends just getting better and better with age. ]

Welcome to the gutter with the rest of us. We're having a blast.

[ Well, less of a blast because he couldn't actually fool around with Nicky right now but it was nice to know he was still thinking about it. ]

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[He smirked, unable to really laugh at himself just yet, but plenty able to find the amusement in it. He shoved another bite of food into his mouth in retaliation, chewing thoughtfully.]

I mean it, though. Until last summer, I'd never been bothered by any of this. Sure, I had an idea that I might not like women, but I'd never seen a guy I liked, either. Not enough to really... [He gestured with his fork.] Think about it. And then last summer I was suddenly surrounded by all of you beautiful people, but it had nothing to do with your beauty? I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Basically, I'm blaming my newfound libido on you guys. Deal with it.

[transfuge]

Oh. So, uh, I think that's called Demisexual? Like some people don't experience sexual desire until they come to love someone. I think that's right.

[ Booker dug out his phone to check the definition. He was pretty sure that was right. Quynh had explained it to him because that's how she felt about Andy. ]

Yeah, that's it. Without an emotional bond you don't feel sexual attraction. It's more of that spectrum I told you about before. You should text Quynh though. She identifies like that.

[ He slid his phone over to Nicky so he could read the definition for himself. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

She does? Really?

[He took the offered phone, fork set aside in favor of scrolling through the information provided to him. From a quick cursory glance, it seemed right, but he couldn't say for absolute sure until he'd read further into it.

Booker, you might want to take your phone back before he just reads all the things and completely forgets about the rest of the food on his plate.]

Huh...

[transfuge]

Yeah. Quyhn and I hung out before we met the others. We had AP Lit together. We talked a lot.

[ And she kept him from feeling so lonely. At first, he thought it could be a romantic thing until Quyhn explained the demisexual to him. Booker had felt like an idiot but it also made him realize the difference when she met Andy. ]

And it does kind of explain why you never really wanted anyone until you met us. You loved us before you slept with us.

[ The reading is important though. Booker wanted Nicky to have the most understanding of himself before he went to the priesthood. If he knew himself... maybe he'd find something else to do with his life.

But after a minute he nudged Nicky with his foot. ]

Your crepes are getting cold. Read and eat.

[peace_inthe_violence]

['Slept with us'. He blushed again, no surprise there. But tried to hide his blush by delving further into the new topic. It was kind of fascinating, really. The differences in sexuality and how it was expressed.

He blinked when his foot was nudged, then glanced down at his plate and sheepishly handed Booker's phone back to him.]

I will look into this more later. After we're done. Sorry, didn't mean to get so absorbed.

But, from what I saw glancing through it? Yeah. That...that makes a lot of sense.

[transfuge]

No, this stuff is important. It's okay.

[ He rubbed his foot against Nicky's ankle because he didn't need to apologize. Booker wanted him to understand this stuff. ]

You can read about it on my laptop when we take a break from unpacking. And make sure you talk to Quyhn.

[ Booker looked pretty proud, actually, that Nicky was looking into this stuff. It did give him a little hope.

He really, really, wanted to kiss him now. It was all over Booker's face. He wanted to kiss him soft and sweet because he was full of this overwhelming affection for Nicky. It was so stupid how much he loved him. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[No, what was stupid was just how much Nicky loved them both back and was still somehow considering leaving them for the church.

And that would be what it was, wouldn't it? Leaving them. They could say they'd all still be friends and that nothing would really change if he became a priest, but the truth was that it would change. Joe and Booker would be a temptation. A constant pull on his heart when it was supposed to be completely devoted to God and his purpose. Would he be able to deny that pull?

He remembered the gentle teases that had turned into gentle kisses that had turned into a night spent exploring each other's bodies instead of sleeping and..he didn't know. He honestly didn't and it was that thought more than anything that made him put down his fork and push aside his plate.

If he started seminar in a few weeks like he was supposed to, he would be saying good bye to the best friends he'd ever known and the two men who he loved with every fiber of his being.]

I...oh fuck.

[transfuge]

Hey... you okay?

[ Because Nicky suddenly looked pretty pale all of a sudden.

He reached across the table and took his hand, squeezing tightly. ]

Nicky breathe. Come on man, you're spooking me. Are the crepes not agreeing with you?

[ Booker had no idea Nicky was going through such an intense revelation right now because, once again, Nicky wasn't using his words. He was just scaring Booker. ]

Here, let me pay and then we can go back to the dorm and you can lie down.

[peace_inthe_violence]

[The touch to his hand startled him out of his own head and he looked confused for a second. His crepes? Oh. Right.

His stomach was lurching, but it had nothing to do with the delicious food. (Though it might have had something to do with having dairy so late)

He shook his head and leaned forward so that he could bring Booker's fingers to his lips.]

No..no, it's okay. I'm okay. I just...I don't want to start seminar.

[transfuge]

[ Booker felt his heart lurch in his chest at those words.

Hope was scary though. He really, really, wanted those words to be true. Selfishly, he wanted Nicky to be theirs and fuck God.

He had to take a deep breath but gently brushed his fingers against Nicky's lips. ]

Okay. So don't go. You can do whatever you want instead.

[ But he would definitely text Joe when they were done having a moment because he needed to get his ass to Paris as soon as possible. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

[He could see that hope in Booker's eyes and all at once he understood what his indecision had been doing to him. To both of them.

He kissed Booker's fingers and then leaned forward to rest his cheek against the other man's palm.]

I love you. It's not supposed to be about giving up love in order to love God. That isn't how it's supposed to work. Priests are priests because they love God above all others and love spending their lives to help spread His word. Yes, sacrifice is there, but it's not supposed to be like this.

And even if it was....I'm not sure I could give you up. Not really. I've been fighting with myself on it since that night and..I don't know if I could.

[transfuge]

We really wanted to be supportive of you and not pressure you but it's been killing me Nicky. I love you so much and just want to keep you.

[ Booker was frustrated that there was a table between them. He wanted to drag Nicky into his arms and kiss him hard like he could pour all the love he felt into him. ]

Don't? Don't go. I mean, I know you have to leave tomorrow anyway but don't go be a priest. I don't know what the future holds but I want to have you there with me. With Joe. All of us together.

[ When they got back to the dorm they would not unpack. Booker would make up for lost time and show Nicky just how much he was loved and wanted and how he should never, ever leave them. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you hurt like that.

[He turned his head to kiss Booker's palm. Someone behind them cleared their throat a little insistently, but Nicky barely even noticed.]

I love you, Sebastien. I love you and I love Joe and I...I don't want to leave you. I won't leave you.

[Except for tomorrow. He did have to leave tomorrow. But then he'd be back, and that was the important part.

Their waiter came back to make sure everything was okay and Nicky finally let go of Booker's hand.]

Actually, can I get a box, please?

[transfuge]

Hey, you had to figure it out for yourself.

[ Booker glared over Nicky's shoulder at the the person who was unhappy with their confessions and public affection. If they made an issue of it he would make sure they regretted it. ]

And the check too, please. [ Of course he was all back to charm for the waiter. ]

So, you should probably text Joe your revelation. It'll make his day. Probably his year.

[ The waiter was back pretty quick with boxes and the check which Booker paid for because he was in a fantastic mood right now. It wasn't too expensive either. They would definitely come back here.

In fact, it might be Booker's favorite place. ]

[peace_inthe_violence]

I'll tell him when he calls. I don't want to distract him from finishing his portfolio.

[Joe was gunna be over the fucking moon. Nicky couldn't wait to tell him. Couldn't wait to see his face. If it was anything like the look on Sebastien's face, it was going to make his heart do back flips.

His hands shook a little as he slid the rest of his breakfast into it's box, but he made sure to pack up all the compote and the cream. It was too good to waste and eventually his stomach would settle down enough to finish it.

Eventually.

First he had to figure out what he was going to do with his life. Again.]

[transfuge]

Oh man. It's going to be awesome.

[ Once he got his credit card back Booker got to his feet and offered Nicky his arm.

And once Nicky was on his arm Booker leaned in and kissed him. It was a fairly polite kiss because they were in public but he tried to make sure Nicky knew he was loved and wanted in that kiss. ]

And when he finally gets here it's going to be even better.

[ Booker had a pretty good spring in his step for the walk back to the dorm. Why wouldn't he? His life felt like it was finally going right. He was in Paris, free of his dad's terrifying presence, and he had two amazing boyfriends. ]