[ Booker knew he shouldn't laugh but it was pretty funny. He had spent most of his high school years surrounded by a bunch of attractive people and it had definitely left him in a heightened state of horny. ]
I think it burns out after awhile. But I don't know. Maybe with the right people you've always got it this bad. I mean, Joe just keeps getting better with age.
[ Man, they all did. Booker didn't see it in himself often because mental issues but he saw his friends just getting better and better with age. ]
Welcome to the gutter with the rest of us. We're having a blast.
[ Well, less of a blast because he couldn't actually fool around with Nicky right now but it was nice to know he was still thinking about it. ]
[He smirked, unable to really laugh at himself just yet, but plenty able to find the amusement in it. He shoved another bite of food into his mouth in retaliation, chewing thoughtfully.]
I mean it, though. Until last summer, I'd never been bothered by any of this. Sure, I had an idea that I might not like women, but I'd never seen a guy I liked, either. Not enough to really... [He gestured with his fork.] Think about it. And then last summer I was suddenly surrounded by all of you beautiful people, but it had nothing to do with your beauty? I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Basically, I'm blaming my newfound libido on you guys. Deal with it.
Oh. So, uh, I think that's called Demisexual? Like some people don't experience sexual desire until they come to love someone. I think that's right.
[ Booker dug out his phone to check the definition. He was pretty sure that was right. Quynh had explained it to him because that's how she felt about Andy. ]
Yeah, that's it. Without an emotional bond you don't feel sexual attraction. It's more of that spectrum I told you about before. You should text Quynh though. She identifies like that.
[ He slid his phone over to Nicky so he could read the definition for himself. ]
[He took the offered phone, fork set aside in favor of scrolling through the information provided to him. From a quick cursory glance, it seemed right, but he couldn't say for absolute sure until he'd read further into it.
Booker, you might want to take your phone back before he just reads all the things and completely forgets about the rest of the food on his plate.]
Yeah. Quyhn and I hung out before we met the others. We had AP Lit together. We talked a lot.
[ And she kept him from feeling so lonely. At first, he thought it could be a romantic thing until Quyhn explained the demisexual to him. Booker had felt like an idiot but it also made him realize the difference when she met Andy. ]
And it does kind of explain why you never really wanted anyone until you met us. You loved us before you slept with us.
[ The reading is important though. Booker wanted Nicky to have the most understanding of himself before he went to the priesthood. If he knew himself... maybe he'd find something else to do with his life.
But after a minute he nudged Nicky with his foot. ]
['Slept with us'. He blushed again, no surprise there. But tried to hide his blush by delving further into the new topic. It was kind of fascinating, really. The differences in sexuality and how it was expressed.
He blinked when his foot was nudged, then glanced down at his plate and sheepishly handed Booker's phone back to him.]
I will look into this more later. After we're done. Sorry, didn't mean to get so absorbed.
But, from what I saw glancing through it? Yeah. That...that makes a lot of sense.
[ He rubbed his foot against Nicky's ankle because he didn't need to apologize. Booker wanted him to understand this stuff. ]
You can read about it on my laptop when we take a break from unpacking. And make sure you talk to Quyhn.
[ Booker looked pretty proud, actually, that Nicky was looking into this stuff. It did give him a little hope.
He really, really, wanted to kiss him now. It was all over Booker's face. He wanted to kiss him soft and sweet because he was full of this overwhelming affection for Nicky. It was so stupid how much he loved him. ]
[No, what was stupid was just how much Nicky loved them both back and was still somehow considering leaving them for the church.
And that would be what it was, wouldn't it? Leaving them. They could say they'd all still be friends and that nothing would really change if he became a priest, but the truth was that it would change. Joe and Booker would be a temptation. A constant pull on his heart when it was supposed to be completely devoted to God and his purpose. Would he be able to deny that pull?
He remembered the gentle teases that had turned into gentle kisses that had turned into a night spent exploring each other's bodies instead of sleeping and..he didn't know. He honestly didn't and it was that thought more than anything that made him put down his fork and push aside his plate.
If he started seminar in a few weeks like he was supposed to, he would be saying good bye to the best friends he'd ever known and the two men who he loved with every fiber of his being.]
[ Because Nicky suddenly looked pretty pale all of a sudden.
He reached across the table and took his hand, squeezing tightly. ]
Nicky breathe. Come on man, you're spooking me. Are the crepes not agreeing with you?
[ Booker had no idea Nicky was going through such an intense revelation right now because, once again, Nicky wasn't using his words. He was just scaring Booker. ]
Here, let me pay and then we can go back to the dorm and you can lie down.
[He could see that hope in Booker's eyes and all at once he understood what his indecision had been doing to him. To both of them.
He kissed Booker's fingers and then leaned forward to rest his cheek against the other man's palm.]
I love you. It's not supposed to be about giving up love in order to love God. That isn't how it's supposed to work. Priests are priests because they love God above all others and love spending their lives to help spread His word. Yes, sacrifice is there, but it's not supposed to be like this.
And even if it was....I'm not sure I could give you up. Not really. I've been fighting with myself on it since that night and..I don't know if I could.
We really wanted to be supportive of you and not pressure you but it's been killing me Nicky. I love you so much and just want to keep you.
[ Booker was frustrated that there was a table between them. He wanted to drag Nicky into his arms and kiss him hard like he could pour all the love he felt into him. ]
Don't? Don't go. I mean, I know you have to leave tomorrow anyway but don't go be a priest. I don't know what the future holds but I want to have you there with me. With Joe. All of us together.
[ When they got back to the dorm they would not unpack. Booker would make up for lost time and show Nicky just how much he was loved and wanted and how he should never, ever leave them. ]
[ Booker glared over Nicky's shoulder at the the person who was unhappy with their confessions and public affection. If they made an issue of it he would make sure they regretted it. ]
And the check too, please. [ Of course he was all back to charm for the waiter. ]
So, you should probably text Joe your revelation. It'll make his day. Probably his year.
[ The waiter was back pretty quick with boxes and the check which Booker paid for because he was in a fantastic mood right now. It wasn't too expensive either. They would definitely come back here.
I'll tell him when he calls. I don't want to distract him from finishing his portfolio.
[Joe was gunna be over the fucking moon. Nicky couldn't wait to tell him. Couldn't wait to see his face. If it was anything like the look on Sebastien's face, it was going to make his heart do back flips.
His hands shook a little as he slid the rest of his breakfast into it's box, but he made sure to pack up all the compote and the cream. It was too good to waste and eventually his stomach would settle down enough to finish it.
Eventually.
First he had to figure out what he was going to do with his life. Again.]
[ Once he got his credit card back Booker got to his feet and offered Nicky his arm.
And once Nicky was on his arm Booker leaned in and kissed him. It was a fairly polite kiss because they were in public but he tried to make sure Nicky knew he was loved and wanted in that kiss. ]
And when he finally gets here it's going to be even better.
[ Booker had a pretty good spring in his step for the walk back to the dorm. Why wouldn't he? His life felt like it was finally going right. He was in Paris, free of his dad's terrifying presence, and he had two amazing boyfriends. ]
[It was the first real lip to lip kiss that they'd shared since that night in Malta and Nicky found himself melting into it a little bit. It wasn't anything more than a glorified peck, but it still felt like so much more to him.
It felt like Booker wanted to kiss him.
He looped his arm into his boyfriends and felt himself grinning as he walked along side an obviously please Booker.]
You look like the cat that drank the cream, you know that right?
[ Booker leaned in, nuzzling against Nicky’s hair then spoke close to his ear so that only he would hear. ]
Maybe I’ll get your cream later.
[ It was a really bad line but Booker could do that now. He could shamelessly flirt and be sexual with Nicky.
Unless Nicky looked uncomfortable about it. Booker would tone it down then but he wanted to flirt and be shameless. It was fun for him. He did the same with Joe but his other boyfriend wasn’t around. ]
Mmm, I see. The real reason you asked me to come help, no doubt.
[He was still grinning, shaking his head a little. What was it about Booker and Joe that made him willing to venture so far out of the shell he'd hidden himself behind? If the him of two years ago could see him now, he'd be amazed.
And probably a little horrified. Mostly for the same reasons that current him was horrified. But he was trying really hard not to think about the state of his future in favor of focusing on the state of his present.]
Please tell me you brought the truck keys down with you so that you didn't have to go all the way back upstairs.
[He took the key and tucked it carefully into his pocket, then rejoined their hands. As if he didn't want to lose Booker's touch just as little as Booker wanted to lose his.
Once they were in the parking lot, however, he glanced around for a moment before using Booker's hand to draw him forward so he could plant a shy kiss against his lips.
He was a lot better at kissing now, at least?]
Go, before I decide to waste the time and just go with you.
[He slipped out of grabbing distance before Booker could make that decision anyway, smiling softly as he headed for the building and the work he'd set himself to do there.
By the time Booker got back from returning the truck, Nicky had his laptop open and music playing. All of Booker's books were on the shelves, though not in any particular order, and he had moved on to setting up a little corner space as a kitchenette so that he wouldn't have to always eat in the commons.]
[ Even a shy kiss meant the world right now. Booker smiled softly after the kiss but resisted the urge to kiss him again. They'd end up making out against the side of the truck if he did that. ]
I'll be back soon.
[ It took half an hour to return the truck because traffic and the receptionist was slow. Booker did his best to be patient but Nicky was waiting for him.
Then he had to take public transportation back which slowed him down even more. He was a little impatient when he got back, taking the stairs two at a time to get up to his room.
And there was Nicky, making it a little home. Booker ached with love for him right then. ]
I wish you could stay. [ He winced a little because he hadn't meant to blurt that out. ] Sorry.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I think it burns out after awhile. But I don't know. Maybe with the right people you've always got it this bad. I mean, Joe just keeps getting better with age.
[ Man, they all did. Booker didn't see it in himself often because mental issues but he saw his friends just getting better and better with age. ]
Welcome to the gutter with the rest of us. We're having a blast.
[ Well, less of a blast because he couldn't actually fool around with Nicky right now but it was nice to know he was still thinking about it. ]
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I mean it, though. Until last summer, I'd never been bothered by any of this. Sure, I had an idea that I might not like women, but I'd never seen a guy I liked, either. Not enough to really... [He gestured with his fork.] Think about it. And then last summer I was suddenly surrounded by all of you beautiful people, but it had nothing to do with your beauty? I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me.
Basically, I'm blaming my newfound libido on you guys. Deal with it.
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[ Booker dug out his phone to check the definition. He was pretty sure that was right. Quynh had explained it to him because that's how she felt about Andy. ]
Yeah, that's it. Without an emotional bond you don't feel sexual attraction. It's more of that spectrum I told you about before. You should text Quynh though. She identifies like that.
[ He slid his phone over to Nicky so he could read the definition for himself. ]
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[He took the offered phone, fork set aside in favor of scrolling through the information provided to him. From a quick cursory glance, it seemed right, but he couldn't say for absolute sure until he'd read further into it.
Booker, you might want to take your phone back before he just reads all the things and completely forgets about the rest of the food on his plate.]
Huh...
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[ And she kept him from feeling so lonely. At first, he thought it could be a romantic thing until Quyhn explained the demisexual to him. Booker had felt like an idiot but it also made him realize the difference when she met Andy. ]
And it does kind of explain why you never really wanted anyone until you met us. You loved us before you slept with us.
[ The reading is important though. Booker wanted Nicky to have the most understanding of himself before he went to the priesthood. If he knew himself... maybe he'd find something else to do with his life.
But after a minute he nudged Nicky with his foot. ]
Your crepes are getting cold. Read and eat.
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He blinked when his foot was nudged, then glanced down at his plate and sheepishly handed Booker's phone back to him.]
I will look into this more later. After we're done. Sorry, didn't mean to get so absorbed.
But, from what I saw glancing through it? Yeah. That...that makes a lot of sense.
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[ He rubbed his foot against Nicky's ankle because he didn't need to apologize. Booker wanted him to understand this stuff. ]
You can read about it on my laptop when we take a break from unpacking. And make sure you talk to Quyhn.
[ Booker looked pretty proud, actually, that Nicky was looking into this stuff. It did give him a little hope.
He really, really, wanted to kiss him now. It was all over Booker's face. He wanted to kiss him soft and sweet because he was full of this overwhelming affection for Nicky. It was so stupid how much he loved him. ]
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And that would be what it was, wouldn't it? Leaving them. They could say they'd all still be friends and that nothing would really change if he became a priest, but the truth was that it would change. Joe and Booker would be a temptation. A constant pull on his heart when it was supposed to be completely devoted to God and his purpose. Would he be able to deny that pull?
He remembered the gentle teases that had turned into gentle kisses that had turned into a night spent exploring each other's bodies instead of sleeping and..he didn't know. He honestly didn't and it was that thought more than anything that made him put down his fork and push aside his plate.
If he started seminar in a few weeks like he was supposed to, he would be saying good bye to the best friends he'd ever known and the two men who he loved with every fiber of his being.]
I...oh fuck.
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[ Because Nicky suddenly looked pretty pale all of a sudden.
He reached across the table and took his hand, squeezing tightly. ]
Nicky breathe. Come on man, you're spooking me. Are the crepes not agreeing with you?
[ Booker had no idea Nicky was going through such an intense revelation right now because, once again, Nicky wasn't using his words. He was just scaring Booker. ]
Here, let me pay and then we can go back to the dorm and you can lie down.
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His stomach was lurching, but it had nothing to do with the delicious food. (Though it might have had something to do with having dairy so late)
He shook his head and leaned forward so that he could bring Booker's fingers to his lips.]
No..no, it's okay. I'm okay. I just...I don't want to start seminar.
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Hope was scary though. He really, really, wanted those words to be true. Selfishly, he wanted Nicky to be theirs and fuck God.
He had to take a deep breath but gently brushed his fingers against Nicky's lips. ]
Okay. So don't go. You can do whatever you want instead.
[ But he would definitely text Joe when they were done having a moment because he needed to get his ass to Paris as soon as possible. ]
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He kissed Booker's fingers and then leaned forward to rest his cheek against the other man's palm.]
I love you. It's not supposed to be about giving up love in order to love God. That isn't how it's supposed to work. Priests are priests because they love God above all others and love spending their lives to help spread His word. Yes, sacrifice is there, but it's not supposed to be like this.
And even if it was....I'm not sure I could give you up. Not really. I've been fighting with myself on it since that night and..I don't know if I could.
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[ Booker was frustrated that there was a table between them. He wanted to drag Nicky into his arms and kiss him hard like he could pour all the love he felt into him. ]
Don't? Don't go. I mean, I know you have to leave tomorrow anyway but don't go be a priest. I don't know what the future holds but I want to have you there with me. With Joe. All of us together.
[ When they got back to the dorm they would not unpack. Booker would make up for lost time and show Nicky just how much he was loved and wanted and how he should never, ever leave them. ]
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[He turned his head to kiss Booker's palm. Someone behind them cleared their throat a little insistently, but Nicky barely even noticed.]
I love you, Sebastien. I love you and I love Joe and I...I don't want to leave you. I won't leave you.
[Except for tomorrow. He did have to leave tomorrow. But then he'd be back, and that was the important part.
Their waiter came back to make sure everything was okay and Nicky finally let go of Booker's hand.]
Actually, can I get a box, please?
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[ Booker glared over Nicky's shoulder at the the person who was unhappy with their confessions and public affection. If they made an issue of it he would make sure they regretted it. ]
And the check too, please. [ Of course he was all back to charm for the waiter. ]
So, you should probably text Joe your revelation. It'll make his day. Probably his year.
[ The waiter was back pretty quick with boxes and the check which Booker paid for because he was in a fantastic mood right now. It wasn't too expensive either. They would definitely come back here.
In fact, it might be Booker's favorite place. ]
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[Joe was gunna be over the fucking moon. Nicky couldn't wait to tell him. Couldn't wait to see his face. If it was anything like the look on Sebastien's face, it was going to make his heart do back flips.
His hands shook a little as he slid the rest of his breakfast into it's box, but he made sure to pack up all the compote and the cream. It was too good to waste and eventually his stomach would settle down enough to finish it.
Eventually.
First he had to figure out what he was going to do with his life. Again.]
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[ Once he got his credit card back Booker got to his feet and offered Nicky his arm.
And once Nicky was on his arm Booker leaned in and kissed him. It was a fairly polite kiss because they were in public but he tried to make sure Nicky knew he was loved and wanted in that kiss. ]
And when he finally gets here it's going to be even better.
[ Booker had a pretty good spring in his step for the walk back to the dorm. Why wouldn't he? His life felt like it was finally going right. He was in Paris, free of his dad's terrifying presence, and he had two amazing boyfriends. ]
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It felt like Booker wanted to kiss him.
He looped his arm into his boyfriends and felt himself grinning as he walked along side an obviously please Booker.]
You look like the cat that drank the cream, you know that right?
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Maybe I’ll get your cream later.
[ It was a really bad line but Booker could do that now. He could shamelessly flirt and be sexual with Nicky.
Unless Nicky looked uncomfortable about it. Booker would tone it down then but he wanted to flirt and be shameless. It was fun for him. He did the same with Joe but his other boyfriend wasn’t around. ]
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Booker! You are incorrigible...
[But his eyes held a storm in them as he looked at the other man.]
I am far too gross for you to be talking like that. At least wait until after we shower.
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[ It felt good to hear Nicky laugh like that. He looked genuinely happy like the decision didn’t weigh on him. That was a really good sign. ]
You are never too gross. Seriously. It was pretty sexy watching you lift boxes.
[ He squeezed Nicky’s arm and the muscles there. ]
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[He was still grinning, shaking his head a little. What was it about Booker and Joe that made him willing to venture so far out of the shell he'd hidden himself behind? If the him of two years ago could see him now, he'd be amazed.
And probably a little horrified. Mostly for the same reasons that current him was horrified. But he was trying really hard not to think about the state of his future in favor of focusing on the state of his present.]
Please tell me you brought the truck keys down with you so that you didn't have to go all the way back upstairs.
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[ Booker had to untangle himself from Nicky to get his keys out. He took the dorm key off and handed it to him. ]
This will get you back into the room. I locked the door. It shouldn't take me too long to return the truck. Hopefully.
[ Because every second with Nicky was precious now. It was before but now Booker could kiss and touch two things he was very big on. ]
Feel free to use my laptop, put on some music, you know. Just make yourself at home.
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Once they were in the parking lot, however, he glanced around for a moment before using Booker's hand to draw him forward so he could plant a shy kiss against his lips.
He was a lot better at kissing now, at least?]
Go, before I decide to waste the time and just go with you.
[He slipped out of grabbing distance before Booker could make that decision anyway, smiling softly as he headed for the building and the work he'd set himself to do there.
By the time Booker got back from returning the truck, Nicky had his laptop open and music playing. All of Booker's books were on the shelves, though not in any particular order, and he had moved on to setting up a little corner space as a kitchenette so that he wouldn't have to always eat in the commons.]
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I'll be back soon.
[ It took half an hour to return the truck because traffic and the receptionist was slow. Booker did his best to be patient but Nicky was waiting for him.
Then he had to take public transportation back which slowed him down even more. He was a little impatient when he got back, taking the stairs two at a time to get up to his room.
And there was Nicky, making it a little home. Booker ached with love for him right then. ]
I wish you could stay. [ He winced a little because he hadn't meant to blurt that out. ] Sorry.
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