If the intention was to ease his worry, Nicolo might have chosen his words a bit more carefully.
He had barely finished the familiar thrill of his lover's kiss going through him when his body went abruptly cold. From there, things around the kitchen started to look like warning signs instead of familiar trappings of home. Nicolo was making his favorite meal, he noticed. The dough his love was kneading was for a particular sweet he was fond of more than most others. The small kisses and the careful conversation... all of it seemed to wave like flags now. Signals to Yusuf that something was going to happen.
He didn't think it would be something he would like.
He exhaled in a rush and didn't speak for a moment. His mind rewound all those years ago when he'd stood before Nicolo and asked for his Vow. No one but God would be above him, his love had said. No one but God. So if the decision had to be made, there was no question of what it would be.
Yusuf drained his glass of wine and held it in a tight fist for a moment as grief rushed through him like a flood. He needed to get it through him fast because Nicolo deserved better than that from him. They'd had decades together. Decades to be happy and even time to be together as husbands would. As much as they could. They'd had their time but Nicolo had a calling. Yusuf said he would never stand in the way of that and he meant it.
He put the glass down and hunched forward, looking at the floor and nowhere else.
"I...I understand," he finally managed to say. "And I know...that it couldn't have been an easy choice for you. I understand that, Mài-" He stopped himself and corrected it: "Amore." It hurt worse than he thought it would.
"I am not going to fight you and you...don't need to cushion this blow. Just. Please..." His head bowed forward all the more. Traitorous emotion clawed at his throat and brought tears to his eyes. He had been stabbed, beaten, burned, and starved and still this hurt worse than any of that. But he would survive.
That was all he could ever do.
"Please just. Let me stay at your side, Nicolo." His voice broke on his name and he had to clear his throat to strengthen it once more. "I can work at the church...or. Or I could work the grounds. As long as I can stay with you. That is all I ask. Please..."
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Date: 2020-08-15 03:42 am (UTC)He had barely finished the familiar thrill of his lover's kiss going through him when his body went abruptly cold. From there, things around the kitchen started to look like warning signs instead of familiar trappings of home. Nicolo was making his favorite meal, he noticed. The dough his love was kneading was for a particular sweet he was fond of more than most others. The small kisses and the careful conversation... all of it seemed to wave like flags now. Signals to Yusuf that something was going to happen.
He didn't think it would be something he would like.
He exhaled in a rush and didn't speak for a moment. His mind rewound all those years ago when he'd stood before Nicolo and asked for his Vow. No one but God would be above him, his love had said. No one but God. So if the decision had to be made, there was no question of what it would be.
Yusuf drained his glass of wine and held it in a tight fist for a moment as grief rushed through him like a flood. He needed to get it through him fast because Nicolo deserved better than that from him. They'd had decades together. Decades to be happy and even time to be together as husbands would. As much as they could. They'd had their time but Nicolo had a calling. Yusuf said he would never stand in the way of that and he meant it.
He put the glass down and hunched forward, looking at the floor and nowhere else.
"I...I understand," he finally managed to say. "And I know...that it couldn't have been an easy choice for you. I understand that, Mài-" He stopped himself and corrected it: "Amore." It hurt worse than he thought it would.
"I am not going to fight you and you...don't need to cushion this blow. Just. Please..." His head bowed forward all the more. Traitorous emotion clawed at his throat and brought tears to his eyes. He had been stabbed, beaten, burned, and starved and still this hurt worse than any of that. But he would survive.
That was all he could ever do.
"Please just. Let me stay at your side, Nicolo." His voice broke on his name and he had to clear his throat to strengthen it once more. "I can work at the church...or. Or I could work the grounds. As long as I can stay with you. That is all I ask. Please..."